Have Cheap Luggage, Will Travel

“Girls should always get married early because as you get older you just don’t need guys. You can pay your own bills, run your lives. Even spiritually you don’t need us. Why would you need to get married at your age?”

A friend of mine was explaining to me his thoughts about relationships and I was so shocked at how wrong he was that I didn’t initially respond fully to his comment.

However, it did prompt some questions for me. Where did he pick up that message? I find it highly unlikely that he came to this conclusion on his own. Is it possible as women, are we the teachers of lessons that keep us isolated and alone? Do we build up impenetrable walls and then sit around complaining why nobody wants to get to know us? I am afraid to honestly answer those questions…


I guess that I think if guys knew what they were getting into with me that they would run for the hills. As a girl with deep seated Daddy issues, I’ve been chasing the elusive feeling of being loved completely by a man since I was young and using relationships as a substitute. Usually they crumble slowly under the strain of having to support a lifetime of baggage. Unconsciously I see the end of relationship roads and think that it’s too much pressure for one person to bear. That is definitely one of the many reasons why I put myself in a position of not needing guys, romantic or otherwise.

As I contemplate my singleness and the role that I allow men to play in my life, my current circle of friends comes to mind. This circle includes several amazing Godly men that have shown me on a daily basis how much I need them. They bust through my pre-established walls of many years by engaging me in real conversations about life, my walk with the Lord and everything else in between. What is interesting about that, is that they get to see the real me and don’t run for the hills.

Being raised in a hyper-religious environment has not helped either as I was raised with the message that being friends with guys is dangerous. Too much temptation I was told. I now realize how silly that is. My guy friends provide a real life example of Godly men so counterfeit men are that much more obvious to me.

And isn’t that what Christ described as true community? Men and women living life together and filling each other’s needs.

These questions are too important to ignore. We need to look inside ourselves for the walls and the preconceived notions that are keeping us from living in true community that God wants for us.


Read: Acts 4:32-37
Ask: Does this sound like the community that you have in your life? If not, what are you doing to encourage that?

Read: Galatians 6:2
Ask: What are you doing to uncover and bear the burdens of those around you?

Read: Ephesians 4:25
Ask: Are you being honest with your community about what is really going on with you?

I’m getting a new job and it is killing me. What’s the big deal, you say. New opportunities are a part of life, this is a part of being an adult... The conflict stems from the fact that I know without a doubt that I am supposed to take this job but I do not want to leave my current job at Women of Faith (WoF).

For those of you that do not know my story, I was pretty lost when I came to work at WoF over 3 years ago. Living with a boyfriend of 6 years that didn’t love me, having no desire to get in a church, my circle of friends thought of me only as a drinking buddy and honestly I had no idea who Jesus was. However, there is only so long that you can spend around Godly women before it just rubs off on you and my friends at work changed me despite my strong resistance to it. These women have made an impact on my life that will affect my children and my children’s children…I am so grateful for their friendship and I know I supposed to leave them.

Leaving them means that I have to grow up, stop leaning on others to direct my spiritual life, and learn to lead myself and eventually others. They have been my comfort blanket for many years. I dread the loss of their daily influence and know it is the right decision in the same thought.

Walking into a new situation despite my fleshly desire to stay comfortable feels like taking a step off a cliff into…I don’t know. I guess this is what they mean by the phrase “living by faith” and I got to tell you it ain’t fun.

As hard as it is to make decisions based on your relationship with God, I think it is worse to be bored by life.

As I take this step off the cliff I feel at the same time an intense resistance to my decision and giddy excitement about what God has in store for me. I guess this is how Abraham felt when leading his son to be sacrificed (Gen. 21) and how Paul felt when he was getting the crap beat out of him for the Gospel (Acts 16:16-24) and Hosea felt when he asked the prostitute to marry him (Hosea 1).

Inside the hazy mist exists…a war.
A tournament of wits waged by two warriors,
Both struggling and clawing to triumph,
To win the fight is to control the battlefield,
And the defeated will slink into unknown shadows.
For now, the battle rages on unfinished,
Eventually one will rise from the mess,
But for now, pain, confusion and the night…

Words written by the 12 year old Nichole that still apply to the 29 year old Nichole. They sure don’t tell you how hard it is to follow Christ sometimes…

Read: Galatians 5:17
Ask: Is there a decision in your life that you are in conflict about? Can you apply this verse to your conflict?

Read: John 16:12-14
Ask: Are you comfortable making a decision for your faith where you might not see all of the results? Do you trust that God will show you the outcomes when the time is right?

Read: Proverbs 3:5-6
Ask: Do you trust God to help you make this decision? Why or why not? What is keeping you from trusting God?

I was in Anaheim,CA for a Women of Faith event this weekend and overheard several comments that got me thinking.

“I hope I am able to expend every bit of energy I have for the things I believe in.”

That was how one of our special guests, Nicole C. Mullen, responded to a journalist who asked her if she ever got tired of how much she traveled on top of having a family.

“What should have been a devastating tragedy in my life has put me in a position to lead an amazing prison ministry and more than anything this tragedy makes me lean on my God because I have nothing left personally to give.”

Carol Kent, whose son is prison for 1^st degree murder with no possibility of parole, now co-leads a prison ministry with her son. She was talking to a journalist about the beauty of a broken spirit.

“I’m afraid to marry a woman from the states. They want to get married for themselves, for their own pleasure - not because they want to raise a family. Americans are beautiful people but they are never happy because they are so self-indulgent.”

This last comment is from my Iranian cab driver on the way to the airport. He was talking about how he has lived all over the world and loves to hate Americans because it is frustrating to watch them be so close to happiness and still manage to keep themselves from it.

All of these comments basically reminded me about how life is just not about us but we still struggle to try and make it that way anyway.

Maybe that is why so many of us get divorced. We get married to fill that hole in ourselves with a person but in the end that never works because there is nothing fulfilling about pursuing your own pleasures. Essentially, we just keep one upping ourselves and needing a better toy or relationship to fill our void.

For example, I have a friend that is always putting himself in debt to get another four wheeler, jet ski, boat, house and the list goes on and on because he is bored with his life. I always say that he is just entertaining his eyes until he dies. People! We were meant for something greater than this.

Living your life for your own pleasure will eventually get you to the end of yourself and it is a shorter trip than you think. I was glad for the reminder that life is not about me – especially because I am Christian.

Read: Ephesians 1:11-14
Ask: Salvation is often talked about as a very personal event but is it possible we are not the main for God’s work of salvation? What does this scripture indicate is the final goal of salvation?

Read: Philippians 1:12-26
Ask: As Paul wrote this, he was being imprisoned for preaching the gospel. How would you react in the same situation?

Read: Galatians 6:7-10

Ask: This verse talks about pleasing our own sinful nature and how that leads to destruction. Can you think of a time where that statement was true for you? What does the verse say about our opportunities?