Filling holes
I ventured outside of my bubble last night. A close friend invited me to a birthday party out on the town. Just to be clear when I say out on the town, I mean we went to a club, some boys in our group almost got into a fist fight with the bouncer and dudes were coming at me all night with the “Hey, girl - Let me get that number,” stuff that never works. It was interesting.
People just don’t realize how much of their emptiness they wear on the outside with no subtlety to it. Their screams of “Look at me!” and “I am special and unique!” are almost audible and play out in barely covered breasts and indoor sunglasses.
I look at all that and remember myself playing that same role of an “empty on the inside/ will take any kind of attention you give me” girl looking for anything to fill that emptiness and my heart breaks for these people that don’t know I can hear their screams because I understand.
Life is different for me now. I think I am starting to discover my purpose and that emptiness in me is disappearing. If you know me at all these days, you know that rediscovering my God has changed everything for me. The funny thing is that I can look back on my life and see where God was always around just waiting for me to get to the end of myself and try something different.
All that to say, I’m not any better than the people that I met last night who are still searching for stuff to fill their holes – I’m just lucky because the distance between us both is much smaller that you would think.
Last night did not leave me with annoyance but I left with a broken heart from the empty hearts I met. I also have a renewed desire to be around people like that more because maybe they can hear my story and hear hope.
People just don’t realize how much of their emptiness they wear on the outside with no subtlety to it. Their screams of “Look at me!” and “I am special and unique!” are almost audible and play out in barely covered breasts and indoor sunglasses.
I look at all that and remember myself playing that same role of an “empty on the inside/ will take any kind of attention you give me” girl looking for anything to fill that emptiness and my heart breaks for these people that don’t know I can hear their screams because I understand.
Life is different for me now. I think I am starting to discover my purpose and that emptiness in me is disappearing. If you know me at all these days, you know that rediscovering my God has changed everything for me. The funny thing is that I can look back on my life and see where God was always around just waiting for me to get to the end of myself and try something different.
All that to say, I’m not any better than the people that I met last night who are still searching for stuff to fill their holes – I’m just lucky because the distance between us both is much smaller that you would think.
Last night did not leave me with annoyance but I left with a broken heart from the empty hearts I met. I also have a renewed desire to be around people like that more because maybe they can hear my story and hear hope.
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