Have Cheap Luggage, Will Travel

Sometimes I find myself treating my faith like a combination lock twisting and turning circumstances to try to find God. A little bit of prayer to the left…reading my Bible 20 minutes a day to my right…telling a stranger about my faith once a month back to the left and pull! Strangely enough the lock never opens and even more disappointing is that this journey has not brought me closer to knowing my Creator any better.

If you really thought about it, it’s almost like I want God to be my own genie in a bottle appearing upon my prayerful request and grating my wish to know Him better. There is enough life behind me to know that this 3 step method approach to my faith will not work but I find myself trying anyway. To be honest, my faith is the most frustrating thing in my life because way more often than not, I only see shadows of the God I love.

Usually I only see God where He was. A glance back at my life over that last few years for comparison to today to see forward progress, a friend that came to faith suddenly or a sister that professes a deep faith where there was none before. All these things scream divine influence but how did I miss Him when He was there. That moment where nothing in the universe could convince you that God doesn’t exist. However just as quick as He came, He sneaks back behind the veil of mystery and I am left with shadows and nagging uncertainties.

Why be a Christian then? I guess for this reason. I have heard some men say after they have met their mate that they just want to spend the rest of their lives navigating the deep waters of their woman’s soul. To them it is about the relationship not the goal. No one, including our God, wants to be conquered only to be a trophy on a wall. When it is all said and done the process of the pursuit is enough motivation for me because I can remember the moments when He was here.

There are just some mysteries of life that are not meant to be fully understood or unraveled - a woman’s thoughts, the motivation of great artists and our faith in an invisible God. Curiosity keeps us engaged with wonder that would disappear if we had all of the answers.

Read: Matthew 13:10-17
Ask: After waiting all this time to come to this world, why would Jesus teach in parables? Why wouldn’t he be as clear as possible?

Read: Jeremiah 29: 12-13
Ask: This verse seems to indicate a clear path to find God. Why is that not always true for us?

Read: Acts 17: 26-27
Ask: What does this verse seem to indicate about our pursuit of God?

I’m getting a new job and it is killing me. What’s the big deal, you say. New opportunities are a part of life, this is a part of being an adult... The conflict stems from the fact that I know without a doubt that I am supposed to take this job but I do not want to leave my current job at Women of Faith (WoF).

For those of you that do not know my story, I was pretty lost when I came to work at WoF over 3 years ago. Living with a boyfriend of 6 years that didn’t love me, having no desire to get in a church, my circle of friends thought of me only as a drinking buddy and honestly I had no idea who Jesus was. However, there is only so long that you can spend around Godly women before it just rubs off on you and my friends at work changed me despite my strong resistance to it. These women have made an impact on my life that will affect my children and my children’s children…I am so grateful for their friendship and I know I supposed to leave them.

Leaving them means that I have to grow up, stop leaning on others to direct my spiritual life, and learn to lead myself and eventually others. They have been my comfort blanket for many years. I dread the loss of their daily influence and know it is the right decision in the same thought.

Walking into a new situation despite my fleshly desire to stay comfortable feels like taking a step off a cliff into…I don’t know. I guess this is what they mean by the phrase “living by faith” and I got to tell you it ain’t fun.

As hard as it is to make decisions based on your relationship with God, I think it is worse to be bored by life.

As I take this step off the cliff I feel at the same time an intense resistance to my decision and giddy excitement about what God has in store for me. I guess this is how Abraham felt when leading his son to be sacrificed (Gen. 21) and how Paul felt when he was getting the crap beat out of him for the Gospel (Acts 16:16-24) and Hosea felt when he asked the prostitute to marry him (Hosea 1).

Inside the hazy mist exists…a war.
A tournament of wits waged by two warriors,
Both struggling and clawing to triumph,
To win the fight is to control the battlefield,
And the defeated will slink into unknown shadows.
For now, the battle rages on unfinished,
Eventually one will rise from the mess,
But for now, pain, confusion and the night…

Words written by the 12 year old Nichole that still apply to the 29 year old Nichole. They sure don’t tell you how hard it is to follow Christ sometimes…

Read: Galatians 5:17
Ask: Is there a decision in your life that you are in conflict about? Can you apply this verse to your conflict?

Read: John 16:12-14
Ask: Are you comfortable making a decision for your faith where you might not see all of the results? Do you trust that God will show you the outcomes when the time is right?

Read: Proverbs 3:5-6
Ask: Do you trust God to help you make this decision? Why or why not? What is keeping you from trusting God?