My Pile of Broken Dreams
There as not been a time where I did not carry an overwhelming sense of confidence in myself and in my decisions. In fact while in junior high school, my lectures to my parents usually revolved around the dangers of credit cards and how they were harming our family’s finances by using them. I clearly remember thinking, “I am so over these people”. Those people being my parents. I was 12.
The problem for people with confident assurance in themselves is that typically things work out for them. Everything from jobs to relationships can be obtained by badgering somebody to death until they say yes to maintain their own sanity. My college days were a perfect example of this and my arrogance only grew with each successful decision. And then I made a decision to follow Jesus for real when I was 26.
I’m sure that originally I thought made the decision because it was the “right” thing to do but very quickly found that being a Christian for real ain’t like the movies. When you ask God to be a part of your life, He begins to show you … yourself. Exposing the true motives of your heart like a depressing autopsy. Slowly but surely this truth helps you understand that you are not the center of the universe.
For some this is an easy pill to swallow but it was been much harder for me for some reason. I guess I feel comforted by thinking of the world in concrete terms. There is right and wrong and I just want to know where I find myself. Unfortunately, life is not always that black and white.
Since my college days, I have learned a bit about pride, arrogance and the loneliness at the top of the mountain of absolute principles. I’ve been fired from jobs, relationships and everything else in between because of my unwavering decisions.
So, I would love to wrap this up with some great definitive conclusion that God has taught me but today all I have is a sorted past that would make any mother blush, more questions than answers and a constant struggle to learn the same lesson over and over again.
I guess that is why I love Jesus so much. He died to save me. The me that stands like a proud child that doesn’t know any better atop a pile of broken dreams, tattered cape flapping in the wind and desperately trying to make something of herself. Jesus’ sacrifice covers my sins and makes me like a white night in His eyes. I’ll never understand that one and that is where true worship is born.
If this story falls flat on you, I would venture to say that you have not yet discovered that you are not the center of the universe. Surprisingly that there is great comfort in knowing it is not up to you and I daily work to keep myself in that place.
Read: Colossians 1:16
Ask: Why does it say we were created? How does that make you feel about your purpose on this earth?
Read: Judges 6
Ask: Who did Gideon think he was? How do you know?
Ask: Who did God actually say he was?
Ask: Did Gideon act on God’s will before or after he put out the fleece?
Ask: What does that make you think about your own journey with the Lord?
The problem for people with confident assurance in themselves is that typically things work out for them. Everything from jobs to relationships can be obtained by badgering somebody to death until they say yes to maintain their own sanity. My college days were a perfect example of this and my arrogance only grew with each successful decision. And then I made a decision to follow Jesus for real when I was 26.
I’m sure that originally I thought made the decision because it was the “right” thing to do but very quickly found that being a Christian for real ain’t like the movies. When you ask God to be a part of your life, He begins to show you … yourself. Exposing the true motives of your heart like a depressing autopsy. Slowly but surely this truth helps you understand that you are not the center of the universe.
For some this is an easy pill to swallow but it was been much harder for me for some reason. I guess I feel comforted by thinking of the world in concrete terms. There is right and wrong and I just want to know where I find myself. Unfortunately, life is not always that black and white.
Since my college days, I have learned a bit about pride, arrogance and the loneliness at the top of the mountain of absolute principles. I’ve been fired from jobs, relationships and everything else in between because of my unwavering decisions.
So, I would love to wrap this up with some great definitive conclusion that God has taught me but today all I have is a sorted past that would make any mother blush, more questions than answers and a constant struggle to learn the same lesson over and over again.
I guess that is why I love Jesus so much. He died to save me. The me that stands like a proud child that doesn’t know any better atop a pile of broken dreams, tattered cape flapping in the wind and desperately trying to make something of herself. Jesus’ sacrifice covers my sins and makes me like a white night in His eyes. I’ll never understand that one and that is where true worship is born.
If this story falls flat on you, I would venture to say that you have not yet discovered that you are not the center of the universe. Surprisingly that there is great comfort in knowing it is not up to you and I daily work to keep myself in that place.
Read: Colossians 1:16
Ask: Why does it say we were created? How does that make you feel about your purpose on this earth?
Read: Judges 6
Ask: Who did Gideon think he was? How do you know?
Ask: Who did God actually say he was?
Ask: Did Gideon act on God’s will before or after he put out the fleece?
Ask: What does that make you think about your own journey with the Lord?
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