Have Cheap Luggage, Will Travel

Being pulled along by the train we call life. Rushing past the destinations of new relationships, a friend’s wedding, a friend’s hospital visit…My interaction consists of rushing off the train to say quick thank you’s and I love you’s, step into a few pictures and then I get back on the train to rush to my next destination. It’s not the stops that build my concern; it is the trips in between. The scenery blends together in a blur of colors with no distinct features or connections. Sigh. I want to fix this, but who has the time…

That’s really the problem isn’t it? To really develop a deep connection with life we have to make choices and sometimes choices between good things. That is never comfortable for the overachiever or people pleaser. I hate to say no to people so I end up saying no to myself. Cutting short my sleep, scheduling dinners to chat with a friend every night, maintaining long hours at work, and drinking way too much coffee to keep going. All of these things eventually wear me down and my body takes me out. Yesterday I stayed in bed with an awful headache unable to do anything productive because my body had had enough.

I usually try and develop intricate organizational systems to tackle to flow of work and people in my life. In my room there are 3 months worth of desk calendars taped to my closet door and they chronicle my overextended life so I won’t forget anything. At work, I made a daily to do list for the rest of the year and the funny thing is, I fully intended on keeping to it. Eventually I have to come up with a new system because life refuses be controlled by me, it gets out of control and my well plotted organizational system fails. The reason, I am not God.

Now, I think we can all agree that life is unpredictable and the only assurance of unwavering consistency we have is a faith in God. However, my vises whisper sweet nothings in my ear until I catch myself noticing the blur between life train stops again. Crap.

So my first reaction is to do something – Quit my job, schedule times of rest for myself, anything! But I have lived enough life to know that different circumstances produce the same result if you are the same. It is at these times that I am so grateful that I believe in something bigger than me because this kind of change is impossible on your own.

Do you know when somebody tells you something about yourself that is hard to hear simply because it is true? Your first reaction is always defensive, right? Who are you…I am not…and a whole other list of excuses on why they don’t know what they are talking about, when deep down your first reaction is a cringe of guilt.

A close friend recently shared with me her concerns over my attitude to leadership positions in my life and my desire to avoid them.

“Responsibility has found you if you like it or not.”

-Cringe-

Let me explain how I got here. The main struggle of my life is to avoid the legacy of control left to me by my father. However, it seems that my worst fear has become my reality just disguised as something different.

My Dad and I have pretty much been at war with each other since I was young. He would try to control me, I would refuse to be controlled and many of our disagreements have made a nest of bitterness in my heart where I now attempt to control the leadership opportunities that God puts in my life by not participating in them because I am afraid of being my Dad.

How that plays out day to day is I focus on putting myself behind people to push them forward instead of leading the way. That is exactly why my friend shared with me the quote of my year…

“Responsibility has found you if you like it or not.”

My friend was asking me to be a leader but I was checked out and she had to plead with me to wake up from my complacency. Let’s be honest, committed complacency is control with different pants on.

-Cringe-

Since I have decided to be more open to leadership opportunities, a comforting peace has been infecting my days and I can see where my committed complacency has done more than just make me run from responsibility. I have been running from God’s plan for my life.

So, I don’t know if you have come to terms with your legacy that God has laid out for you but I can bet you that it is scary and will require you to lean on the Lord in order to not screw it up. However, it is not worth avoiding it because it will eventually chase you down.

In conclusion, let us raise our glass in celebration of
…friends that can say I love you but hate you right now
…to the committed pursuit of our hearts from the God of the universe
…and to the opportunity to reshape legacies.

Read: Psalm 66:10
Ask: What does this verse tell us about the origin of some trials? How does that make you feel about some difficult things that you are facing today?

Read: Daniel 11:33-35
Ask: How does this verse help you have grace for flawed leaders in your life?

Read: Jeremiah 29:11-13
Ask: How do these verses give you peace about difficulties in your life?