Have Cheap Luggage, Will Travel

Self-Made Perceptions

“Girls should always get married early because as you get older you just don’t need guys. You can pay your own bills, run your lives. Even spiritually you don’t need us. Why would you need to get married at your age?”

A friend of mine was explaining to me his thoughts about relationships and I was so shocked at how wrong he was that I didn’t initially respond fully to his comment.

However, it did prompt some questions for me. Where did he pick up that message? I find it highly unlikely that he came to this conclusion on his own. Is it possible as women, are we the teachers of lessons that keep us isolated and alone? Do we build up impenetrable walls and then sit around complaining why nobody wants to get to know us? I am afraid to honestly answer those questions…


I guess that I think if guys knew what they were getting into with me that they would run for the hills. As a girl with deep seated Daddy issues, I’ve been chasing the elusive feeling of being loved completely by a man since I was young and using relationships as a substitute. Usually they crumble slowly under the strain of having to support a lifetime of baggage. Unconsciously I see the end of relationship roads and think that it’s too much pressure for one person to bear. That is definitely one of the many reasons why I put myself in a position of not needing guys, romantic or otherwise.

As I contemplate my singleness and the role that I allow men to play in my life, my current circle of friends comes to mind. This circle includes several amazing Godly men that have shown me on a daily basis how much I need them. They bust through my pre-established walls of many years by engaging me in real conversations about life, my walk with the Lord and everything else in between. What is interesting about that, is that they get to see the real me and don’t run for the hills.

Being raised in a hyper-religious environment has not helped either as I was raised with the message that being friends with guys is dangerous. Too much temptation I was told. I now realize how silly that is. My guy friends provide a real life example of Godly men so counterfeit men are that much more obvious to me.

And isn’t that what Christ described as true community? Men and women living life together and filling each other’s needs.

These questions are too important to ignore. We need to look inside ourselves for the walls and the preconceived notions that are keeping us from living in true community that God wants for us.


Read: Acts 4:32-37
Ask: Does this sound like the community that you have in your life? If not, what are you doing to encourage that?

Read: Galatians 6:2
Ask: What are you doing to uncover and bear the burdens of those around you?

Read: Ephesians 4:25
Ask: Are you being honest with your community about what is really going on with you?