Have Cheap Luggage, Will Travel

Homeless

I don't really feel like I have a home. You know that place where you can know that you can just be comfortable in and that you can say, "This is home."

We moved around quite a bit when I was growing up. I lived in 7 different houses in two states before I turned 18. The house that I spent most of my junior and high school time in was sold when my parents divorced when I was in college. Since then both of my parents have lived in several different places and will probably not stay very long in the one that they live in right now. In fact, my Dad basically flips houses for a living.

So, I consider the apartment that I am currently living in my home. The problem is that something always comes up and I seem to move every year. To make it worse, most of the time when I move it also includes a roommate change.

I really hate the moving time because it is a reminder again that I have no home. I leave my pictures up on the wall until the last possible moment before moving. Until I started writing this, I didn't realize how hung up I am on it.

Anyway, I am in the process of moving again but am actually homeless right now as my lease doesn't start until the 1st. So, my sense of instability is in hyper mode right now hence the reason for this blog.

Instability - I guess that is really it. As I creep up on 30, I guess I am really craving some stability. That is probably why I have been thinking about marriage so much lately and evaluating all the guys I meet against the "could I marry him" yardstick. And yes, that means that if you are a guy and I have talked to you in the last year, I have already evaluated if I could marry you or not. :) Like marriage is an inoculation against instability, but in my single mind it sounds pretty good.

My craving for stability is something like I haven't eaten all day and I just have to eat something which kinda scares me. In those moments when you are starving and just have to eat something no matter what it is, McDonald's even sounds good.

Instability. Cravings. Ramblings. As I ride back "home" on a plane alone, these thoughts cloud my mind. Hopefully I will have something new to worry and ramble on about soon.

Love you guys.

Disclaimer to my mother This is not a slam against your parenting. I knew that you might think that and I thought I would nip it before it was an issue. :)