Have Cheap Luggage, Will Travel

Vanity

Every wonder why you always meet 20 year olds that have all the answers to life and 30 year olds that feel like life has a leg up on them? I think it is because the older that you get the more you realize that you have no idea what you are doing.

Well, here I am fully admitting that I have no idea what I am doing and that the life I have is not the life I planned. I never thought that by the time I was closing in on 30 that I would not be married, still living pay check to pay check and not have a 5 year plan. So were did I go wrong? Let's see if we can figure it out.

I can't help but laugh when I think back to my little 18 year self setting out with huge plans and knowing that the college world that I was entering into was in for the shock of its life when it got a hold of me. Well, turns out that they were doing fine before I showed up and after I spent 7 years there, turns out that they are also just fine without me. So I learned my first lesson - The world doesn't need me.

Okay, how about a job? That is a smaller mountain to tackle than the world. When I got my first job out of college, I remember thinking that they had no idea what was in for them (even though I had already learned lesson number one.) I made a huge impact right away and eventually when that ended, turns out that they are still in business. Who knew? Lesson number two - Work does not need me.

So if my jobs don't need me, than maybe I can find a person that needs me. This also is good for a laugh or some pity if you think about it. I met a very nice guy who had a fine life without me and after 6 years that ended, turns out that we are just fine without each other. Life goes on. Lesson number three People don't need me.

I think my problem has been that I have been waiting on something else to depend on me to define my existence when the Lord was just waiting around for me to depend on him to define my existence. We talked this week in church about Ecclesiastes 1 (below) and I think it is the reason for my thoughts.

"Vanity of vanities! All is vanity." What advantage does man have in all his work which he does under the sun? A generation goes and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever. That which has been is that which will be, and that which has been done is that which will be done. So there is nothing new under the sun. Is there anything of which one might say, "See this, it is new"? Already it has existed for ages which were before us.

I think what I am saying is piddling around in the vanities of life (since everything outside of the Lord is really a vanity) and not really leaning on God is where I went wrong. So - I am a 28 year old, un-married, un-wealthy person who has no idea what she is doing and I think that is a good place to be.