Have Cheap Luggage, Will Travel

Death of a Relationship

When I was in high school, my grandparents on my dad’s side died and I didn’t want to go to their funerals. My parents didn’t make me – huge mistake. That was almost 10 years ago but I still get overwhelmingly sad about their loss sometimes.

My major in college was communication studies and I learned a lot about the stages of grief.

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

People usually float back and forth between the stages until they get to acceptance and then they are able to move on with their lives. By not attending my grandparent’s funerals, I trapped myself in the denial stage for several years. It is not a fun place to be because you will always have this cloud hanging around that colors your world until you are able to deal with it and move on.

The reason that I bring this up is that I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years a few months ago and we saw each other for the first time since he left last night. It was a horrible but wonderful experience.

Basically, I love him so much but do not want to marry him and he feels the same way. So because of that continued mutual love and respect, after breaking up we still talked all the time and continued being friends. After seeing him last night, I realized that I was trapping myself in the denial stage again! I was just hoping I could keep him in a jar on my life shelf to pull out when I needed someone to complain to or cry to or share my day with. Can’t happen. My relationship has died and I feel the same way that I felt when I lost my grandparents.

So, I now know why God says to guard you heart. It isn’t protection against somebody that would hurt me, but from somebody that would love me. If you think breaking up with a boyfriend that cheats on you but you love him anyway is hard – try breaking up with one that you love and he loves you back.